"I came as a rat, but I came back."

I reread Alice in Wonderland, Through the Looking Glass, and A Wrinkle in Time over the weekend. This morning while waiting for it to be time to go to work I started in on The Hero and the Crown again as well. If basic psychology means anything to you: congratulations: you are unsettling my mind, so that if this in fact the trend it appears to be I am currently reviewing and weighing those works after which I based my views of reality roughly a decade ago. Maybe I'm trying to get back to it, maybe I'm preparing to reject it, maybe both simultaneously. 'Look deeper to the true answer.' To bad I don't believe in "Truth" most of the time, except when I do. ...I talked to Smack the other day. It was just so good, like my heart was cracking open but in the best possible way. (wow. pure cheese, space child.) It's like we'd both nearly forgotten the sound of each other's voices, or were somehow remeeting for the first time, like back in seventh grade when she wore glasses that were as thick as coke bottle bottoms and my hair was past my waist, we didn't really have any secrets to unburden then besides that we'd read more than we'd spoken, and so there was Monty Python, and all the allusions made only for & between us, observations of the people who were less subtle in making their own, and everything she could extrapolate, and everything I could imagine. I think she told me once I was the first student that voluntarily spoke to her in junior high. I remember thinking she was the only kid there that looked like she felt as out of place as I did. I told her all the goodbyes and hellos since the last time we spoke, really spoke, that was before Spring Break. If I took you walking in the rain in the woods around the Puget Sound until no part of you or your clothing is anything but absolutely soaked, and you shivered until your body stopped caring and then started to wake up again, and ran until you thought your heart had stopped a hundred yard back... I wonder if then you'd understand about Modest Mouse if I played it in the car as I drove you back around the Hood Canal with the rain changing everything outside the window into a impressionist painting in shades of gray.