Is there somewhere where people aren't falling apart at the seams over nothing, over everything? I sometimes wish I could remember how I used to not feel anything and it was easy, really, really easy. But then you're not sure if you're alive or dead and if you're not sure there's not much point anymore. But this isn't a disappearing day, there's too much I want to keep today, but I can wish I didn't care so it could be a disappearing day. Not that that would help anything. I hate it when I cry (I'm not now, don't assume me). I hate watching people when it's not the sort of thing where I can offer my shoulder or my ear. I don't even hate it, I just hate feeling helpless. The only thing I'm sure of is helping people and when I can't even do that it's all fucked and I can't help anyone here. When you're falling apart and he's yelling and you need help I can't drive and pick you up, put on your favorite sad song and drive until you want to talk and pull over by the ocean to listen to the waves and the night. I can't protect anyone from anything here. I can't help, unless an ear alone will do, then I'm a phone call away, but I won't even be able to wipe your tears or see that look that means you have something you aren't saying. (Though I have to say I'm glad you can't see my eyes. I'm tired of listening to myself.)